“Sacred” by Amel Larrieux

Is there nothing sacred anymore
Celebrities are deified
And we’re still calling some countries third world
Crimes against little ones
Are punished with little laws
Girls are taught to hide their curves
As though they’re flaws
And other girls are taught to expose them but not own
Them and
Boys are taught
They can own it all

Is there nothing sacred anymore
In the 21st century
And I still get followed ’round in stores
Governments are using our money for
Reasons other than what they say they’re using it for
Small countries fold as their
Big debt keeps on growing and
Silent pain is golden under the guise of religion and
Boys are taught
They can own it all

Is there nothing sacred anymore
Well maybe there never was, at all

days that you can do *anything*

the phone rings, i cringe. i study the number and hit “ignore”. on another occasion, i decide to take the long way between point a and point b to avoid a certain someone. maybe i get an email that requires a response that i don’t have the nerve to give. someone on my buddy list messages me, and i sit really still in my chair and pretend that i’m “away”. at a bar, i’m approached to be involved in a meeting/organization/event along with some folks that i just don’t like while promoting/benefiting something that i just don’t believe in. i got fed up and cursed an individual out last year, but now, i need something, and they’re the only mofo i know that can get/do it for me.

then one day the phone rings, i know its a bill collector, but i answer anyway. i tell them that yeah, although i work everyday, i don’t have the money but damnit i wish i did. later that day i stand in the middle of the block, knowing that a certain someone will be coming this way at any minute. no, i don’t want to see or talk to them, but damnit i really like standing on this block. i answer all of my emails as soon as they come in. i initiate conversations with everyone on my buddy list and even remember to ask how they’ve been doing since that breakup they were telling me about. the words “sorry i’m not interested” and “oh, good luck with that, but have you seen the bartender lately?” slip from my lips easily and repeatedly as i channel my mother’s smile and charm. amazingly, i can grin wide and lavish unwarranted praise on just about anyone, and i have no qualms when saying “i’ve been meaning to call you, i hear that you’re good with numbers….”

every now and then, maybe about one day a month, i can do just about anything. i can put my *self* in my back pocket and for 1 day grow the backbone that i wished i owned 29 other days of the month. i had one of those days late last week. i didn’t really think i could do it, but i did, and i’m a better person for it. i think in some small way it may have changed me forever.

my aunt is dying. i’m not ok.


i doubt if anyone cares, but its 1:01am and i’m sitting at work. at work damnit to hell! we’re having a production launch tonight (this morning) and we’re currently running about an hour and a half behind. i was supposed to get some sleep this afternoon so that i could be prepared for this, but of course, i didn’t. i went and ate crabs instead. and drank a glass of wine. a big glass of wine. so now i’m sleepy cause its past my bedtime. i hope my honey is ok home alone. i think he’s trying to wait up for me, but there’s no need for us both to feel like crap in the morning.

go to sleep honey, i’ll be home as soon as i can. if you like i can wake you up. *wink*


i’m alive. moved. tired. exhausted even. unsettled in the apartment. worried about my aunt. ready for my cruise to the bahamas. got an itchy scalp. surprised by an unexpected email. happy for my friend who finally let that no-good fiance of hers go. feeling good cause i finally donated to the salvation army. tired of hearing about why they shouldn’t rebuild new orleans. in need of a toke or five. itching to shop for fall clothes. i own poverty, its the only thing i own. listening to wendy williams for a pick me up. feeling fat. gonna ravage my boyfriend when we have a minute. needing to go to the restroom to adjust this thong, its in a bad place. having transportation issues. counting my pennies like they’re the days i got left on earth. wondering why these people haven’t cashed this $1,012 check that i wrote on 9/03/05. trying for the 4th time to read donald goines’ ‘dopefiend’, can’t get past the woman shooting up in her thigh in chapter 1. really really really upset with northwest airlines, but too f’ing tired to write an angry letter. sad that i haven’t been blogging lately. pissed that my wireless network adapter drops my connection every 3 minutes. skipping out on my company’s happy hour this evening. annoyed that our new apartment’s washer and dryer only holds 2 pairs of jeans at a time.

don’t forget about me. i’ll be back in a few days. just need some time to regroup and get back in the black.